I did a healing of the emotional body/integration process a couple of hours ago. I have been sitting in reflection for awhile. I am feeling very energetically, ‘wiped’. I am sure I will sleep solidly this evening.
This process is designed to heal at the core. It heals the original trauma in one’s consciousness. It pulls you into the subconscious mind. It takes you back in time to the point of causation and rewrites your moment of trauma. It is superbly healing. It is amazing.
I started by purposely sinking into the emotion I had been feeling this afternoon. It was a combination of worry, anxiety and self-doubt. I sat with this feeling. I enhanced it. I said to this part of my being, “I am completely here with you now.” I felt it.
Then I went back to ‘the last time I experienced this exact feeling’ as directed in the process…
I was taken into a memory of myself at about age 17 in high school. It was a bit unclear. I let myself be okay with that. (I trusted that I would see and experience exactly what I was meant to.)
It was something about saying goodbye at the end of the school day to a male friend and something about him getting on our bus. I either missed the bus or went and got on it, or he got on it and I watched, or something. I’m not sure. It was something about him, us hugging goodbye and the bus. I felt a feeling of, “I’m not good. I’m wrong. I’m broken.” This is one of my negative core beliefs: ‘There is something inherently wrong with me/I’m broken.’ I felt the fear that he would see, or that he knew, that I was broken. My mind assumed he was definitely thinking this as we parted. There was an inner critical voice that said, ‘He knows‘. And I was worried, anxious, self-doubting. Indeed, that same exact feeling. I felt it heavily. I felt it all again.
I waited but nothing more came from that after a minute or so. So, then I asked myself, “When was the first time I experienced this exact feeling?” as directed in Teal’s process…
All of a sudden I was taken back to the scene of my birth. I was in the delivery room. I had just come out of the caesarean birth. My point of perspective was weird.
It was like I was outside of it, observing, but I was also able to know and identify with the fact that I was the baby and I was definitely feeling or thinking what she was feeling or thinking on some level of her/my consciousness… And that was about the umbilical cord.
I was angry and upset that my umbilical cord had been cut. I felt like, ‘they took it away!’. I felt resentment towards the doctors and just generally extremely upset and traumatised. I felt I had been cut away from my mother. (I am not sure if that sensation is related to the cord cutting or if that was a more separate, general feeling that we all surely feel when we’re born, especially when born via c-section I imagine…Doesn’t really matter…) I was upset because the doctors acted like it was wrong.
They acted like the umbilical cord was not a part of me. I just know I wanted it to stay. I wanted it back.
I felt this intensely. I was crying and shaking. My face was twitching a bit as well. I made it a point to feel it.
I soon realised I was now at the point where you’re supposed to re-write what happened. I wasn’t 100% sure what I wanted to do, how I wanted to re-write (and thus heal) the situation.
Suddenly, a female human-looking being came into the scene. She had long dark hair, was beautiful, powerful and glowing. I think it was Mary Magdalene. Whoever it was was the embodiment of Divine Femininity and the archetype of ‘The Divine Mother’. I had this knowing. She had this intense power and energy of ‘standing up for me’ as well.
She put her hand over ‘the hole’ I felt had been left in my navel area. I felt it in the present as I sat there doing this on my bed here in 2015 and I felt it in the memory of 1991. She held her hand there on my stomach area in both times (or the first one and it carries over?) and I could see there was some energy healing happening. It was like a light-patch, a grid, a square-ish pattern flowing over the area beneath her hand (which I could somehow see beneath).
She said, ‘Now you are whole. You are always connected.’ Or something like that. I also saw in my mind’s eye new etheric cords of light, coming from the patch, flowing up in the air, but I did not note where they were going.
And then I felt…so tall and big. Like, I became more. I felt expanded. I felt remembered. I felt like I have been living my whole life like I am broken when I have actually always been whole. I realised I am amazing.
I was crying through it and also near the end, when she said to me again, “You are whole. Now. You are whole. Now you are healed.”
I was crying for myself because I’ve been living like I’m not.
She/I went back in time and did that for me as an infant, so she has always done that, that moment has always been, as of today.
So, I have always been whole. But I have lived my whole life like I was broken. But I am not. I am amazing.
I am inclined to believe that this healing has profoundly affected my ‘Hara’. The Hara (also known as the Tan Tien) is an energetic portal or centre in the centre of the body – in the navel/abdomen area. The umbilical cord forms there, is connected there in the navel area, because of this portal.
The Hara is connected to one’s sense of self-empowerment, one’s centred-ness, connection to the soul-self, connection to soul purpose and remembrance, knowing and feeling of Oneness.
It makes sense that feelings of self doubt, insecurity and beliefs about needing to be fixed, beliefs that I am broken, have been healed by working with an area that is connected to these attributes.
Another good Hara link >>here<<.